Should I Say or Should I Go?


Some people love change but the majority of us have a lot of fear and anxiety about it. Trust me when I say I can relate. In the last five years, I have moved nine times. Yes, you read that right. Nine. At the end of my final college semester I moved overseas to play professional soccer in Helsinki, Finland. I came back to North Carolina to live with my parents during the offseason and then back to Finland for my second season. I moved back in with my parents again. Then I moved to Wilmington for a few months to train and coach. Back to my parents’ house. Then to Charlotte to play with the Charlotte Lady Eagles. After two years playing and coaching there, I moved to Nashville, TN to coach at a DII school. And in less than a year after that, I was moving back to Wilmington, NC to coach at my alma mater, UNC Wilmington!

Even writing that out makes me exhausted and so thankful for my sweet, patient parents who let me be the adult who would fly the coop and come back often. During these changes, I feel like I have seen the full spectrum of emotions that come along with them. Everything from pure excitement and joy to loads of fear and uncertainty.

If we are being honest, when we find ourselves struggling between staying or going, we usually just want someone to decide for us. I have caught myself literally polling my friends on what they think I should do. I am so thankful to have people in my life who encouraged me as I wrestled but did not decide for me.  We seem to have a fear of choosing the wrong option as if it is a guessing game, that we will put all our eggs in one basket only to find out we have chosen the wrong basket. Although I am not here to make your decision for you, I do want to encourage you with truth that gave me the trust and faith to step into my own decisions.



I am sure that sounds overwhelming but during one of my harder decisions, I was able to put words to this and it made things seem so clear. For me, my aim is to grow in relationship with God. To know and be known by Him. Claiming that, freed me up to make a decision and know that even if it was hard, I knew I would grow closer to my Creator. And really what else matters?


I used to have this fear that the Lord was going to be dragging me to places I did not want to go. I could picture myself as a resistant child being pulled around while kicking and screaming. Then I found Psalm 73 and it gave me life! Verse 23 says “Nevertheless, I am continually with you; you hold my right hand.” My God holds my hand and is always with me. Whether you stay or go, be overwhelmed with the peace of His presence. He isn’t waiting on the other end of your decision and if you choose right, you’ll find Him. He is right by your side, walking with you the entire way.


Usually in times of fear, you can find a lie you are believing about the character of God and when you find the lie, you can combat it with truth. Find the root of what you are wrestling with and come to Him with it all.  Study His word and fight to believe that He is who He says He is. Psalm 73:28 says, “But for me it is good to be near God; I have made the Lord God my refuge, that I may tell of all your works.” Draw near.

As you face these hard decisions in life, stay dependent on Him. We need His guidance more than anyone else’s. He wants to be involved in the process. He wants to know your heart and all your fears. He is holding your hand.


Jennifer Ludemann

My name is Jennifer Ludemann and I am an assistant coach for UNC Wilmington Women’s Soccer. I am passionate about the game of soccer and everything that comes from being a part of a competitive sports team. I love seeing my players grow in competence, confidence, and character on and off the field. I am so grateful to be able to coach young women who are walking the same path I have walked.